Self-confidence to me is how you perceive yourself and your own attitude about your skills and abilities. To have self-confidence means that you have a sense of control in your life and that you accept and trust in yourself.
When you are self-confident, you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses and have a positive view of yourself.
The act of setting realistic expectations and goals for yourself, communicating assertively, and handling criticism especially when it is constructive is also evidence of self-confidence.
If you have low self-confidence, this is usually a reflection of your own perceptions rather than your actual abilities and it may even stem from different life experiences.
Growing up in an unsupportive or critical environment, being a victim of abuse of any kind, being bullied, witnessing abuse of others over a prolonged period of time, judging yourself too harshly, or being afraid of failure are some examples of things that can be the root of lack of confidence.
“Let me be a little transparent here!”
I have definitely struggled with self-confidence myself throughout my life. Most people who have known me personally over the years will probably think that this is the furthest thing from the truth; however, I did a fantastic job hiding how I was actually feeling internally from those around me.
I was so good at hiding it that I was also hiding it from myself. I did not realize that I lacked self-confidence until I began to look for answers within me to truly learn what really makes me “happy”.
At some point, I will share some of the experiences that I believe contributed to my low self-confidence, but for now I think it is more beneficial to share some of the things that have assisted me in improving my self-confidence.
- Set goals and write them down along with the action steps to get you closer to those goals. Do not expect perfection; it is impossible to be perfect in every aspect of your life. Do what you can do now…DO NOT PROCRASTINATE or MAKE EXCUSES.
*Side Note- Procrastination was a big issue for me and I still have to work through this from time to time. It’s okay to fall down. Just acknowledge the issue, take ownership, get back up and push forward.
2. Be proud of every single accomplishment that you complete on your daily To-Do List and on your goal list. If you know you worked hard and consistently especially on a more lengthy project, find a way to reward yourself. Even if you didn’t quite meet the goal, it’s important to acknowledge and reward your hard work and dedication.
3. When you stumble upon an obstacle, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Don’t dwell on failure. In every failure there is a lesson. There may be something much bigger and better that is meant for you. Also if you make a mistake, admit your mistake and learn from it.
4. Challenge making assumptions about yourself, others or situations.
5. Express your needs, beliefs, and feelings respectfully and directly.
6. Recognize that past negative life experiences DO NOT dictate your future.
7. Learn to say NO to any requests that are unreasonable to you or that you just don’t WANT to do. It is not your job to try to please everyone, especially if that means dishonoring yourself. Say no and you don’t have to give an explanation. Just plain NO.
8. Be grateful for everything that you currently have, who you are and even the not so pleasant experiences that you have endured. Hopefully, those experiences will allow you to help someone else dealing with similar circumstances and you learned something really valuable from the experience yourself. I know I most certainly have.
9. Graciously accept compliments. Do not reply, “Oh it’s nothing really” or “this is old, it’s nothing special”. Just simply say thank you and mean it.
*I’m also still working on this. It was a long time before I realized I had difficulty accepting compliments.
10. Be willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things. Do not do things because you feel it is what others will perceive as the acceptable thing to do.
I challenge you to write down 15 things about yourself that you are proud of or that you just like about yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme at all, but from you. Try not to solicit help from others for this.
Now that you’ve made your list…use this very list to make 15 affirmations for yourself to use when you may be experiencing some negative thoughts or negative self-talk.
**If you feel too overwhelmed to handle things yourself, please ask for help. Individual Counseling or coaching may be the help you need!
I hope that you have found value in this information. If you know someone who may benefit from this information, please feel free to share. Please leave a comment if you have anything you would like to share or something specific you would like me to write about.
You are loved and I am Grateful for you!